Dave's mom had sworn Kathy would regret leaving Dave, but her life seems to continue on course. Dave is struggling to get his life back together. Luckily he has good friends to help him along.
INT. LIMOUSINE - NIGHT
Kathy is making out with some long-haired rock star. Her blouse is unbuttoned and her hair is a mess. As she pulls the man down on her, she presses the button raising the smoked glass partition and we can only her laughter.
INT. ALLY’S APARTMENT - DAY
We see a small , two bedroom apartment that is still is the process of being moved into: curtains are not hung, framed pictures lean up against the wall . On the couch sits ALLY BURNS, Kathy’s old college friend. She is pretty, with no makeup; her hair is pulled into a pony tail, dressed in jeans and an old sweatshirt . Ally is STRUMMING a guitar softly and singing. She stops and sings the same line again but changes a word. She stops again and writes
something down and plays it again.
Suddenly, the bedroom door behind her BURSTS open and Kathy comes out. She is in pajamas, an eyeshade and her hair is a mess.
KATHYDo you have to play that thing so
ALLYIt’s after twelve.
KATHYWhen you’re up with clients ti l l 4 am,
this is the crack of dawn.
ALLYYou’re only up until 4 because you
are blowing them in the back of the
KATHYIt’s my job.
ALLYKathy, this is my job. I need to write
KATHYWell can you maybe do your job
someplace else? Doesn’t your
building have a roof, or a basement?
Kathy turns and goes back into the darkened bedroom, SLAMMING the door behind her.
EXT. FIRE ESCAPE – DAY
Ally is writing a song on the fire escape. Kathy appears at the open window and slams it without even looking at Ally.
Ally strums a power chord. Then pauses and writes down the word “Bitch”.
INT. DAVE’S COLLEGE OFFICE - DAY
Dave in his cluttered office. On the wall hang pictures of African tribesmen, Thai dancers and Inuit hunters. He is in the middle of a discussion with one of his students, a disheveled young man.
DISHEVELED STUDENTI don’ t see why I should lose marks
for that answer.
DAVEHow about “because it’s wrong”.
DISHEVELED STUDENTYes, but you never covered this in
Logan, it was part of the assigned
DISHEVELED STUDENTYou never said assigned reading was
going to be on the exam.
DAVEI shouldn't have to. I would think
a source related to anthropology
I assigned in my anthropology course
would have been reason enough for my
students to learn it . Logan, have I
asked you to read any articles about
DAVEWhat about statistics, or
Renaissance French poetry?
But it’s not fair.
(sighs)Tell you what. Redo the answer by
tomorrow and I ’l l reconsider the
DISHEVELED STUDENTAww, tomorrow?
DAVEAnd make it twice as long. If you're
still here in 10 seconds it’ll be
worth only 50%.
The student reluctantly stuffs the exam paper in his knapsack and leaves.
Alone Dave taps on the desk and re-arranges some piles of papers before he decides to call Kathy. He picks up the phone and dials six numbers. He hesitates before dialing the last, exhales and presses the seventh digit. As soon as it starts to ring he regrets it and motions to hang up when the door OPENS. Dave’s best friend STEVE CHAN enters.
STEVEStop! Don’t be a pussy.
STEVEYou heard me Pussy. You are calling
her aren’t you?
He grabs the receiver from Dave’s hand. We can hear Kathy saying “Hello” on the receiver. She swears and hangs up.
DAVEI must have dialed her by accident. I
was trying to cal l you
STEVEYou can’t do this man. She took
your fucking towel rods. What kind
of a cold bitch does that? Don’t
make the Pity Cal l .
( in sad voice)Hi , I’ve been thinking we should get
Sure, we can be friends.
Next thing you know you’re holding
flowers in the bridal party when she
marries the guy she sat next to
when you two went for coffee.
DAVEThat would never happen.
STEVERight. How many girl friends do you
have right now?
STEVEAnd how many ex-girl friends you
“think” you are still friends with?
Steve smacks Dave on the back of the head.
STEVE (CONT’D)Now let’s go. You, me, Picken and
Toynebee have tickets to the Baron’s
game tonight. Let’s see if we can get
your head out of your ass and in
between some chick’s legs.
They leave just as an older female professor walks by. She is shocked at the mention of “some chick’s legs”.
INT. HOCKEY ARENA – NIGHT
Dave is out at a game with Steve, and his other two friends JAMES PICKEN and RYAN TOYNEBEE. The quartet are right at the glass. The three friends are cheering the body checks and fights but not Dave. Beer is flying, but Dave doesn’t notice.
Two players race for the puck and slam into the end boards right in front of Dave and the gang. The referee blows his whistle on the icing cal l as the two players slowly slide down the glass and
col lapse on the ice. Picken, Toynebee and Steve high five-ing each other. Steve turns to
high five Dave, but Dave is not paying attention.
PICKENAre you going to the can?
PICKENYou sure? You haven’t gone in a
TOYNEBEEYou keeping track?
PICKENI don’ t want you to get a bladder
infection, so don’t let it go too long.
And when you do go…
PICKENYou could get me another beer.
TOYNEBEEAre your legs broken?
VOICE ON LOUDSPEAKERAlright everybody, it’s time for
“Pucker Up” brought to you by
LavaLife.com. Let’s see which couple
can really pour on the heat.
On the Jumbo-tron appear images of couples in the crowd who kiss when the camera comes on them.
VOICE ON LOUDSPEAKER (CONT’D)C’mon lets hear it for these folks!
Dave looks up and watches as a mix of people, young and old, kiss. Some are polite pecks but one middle aged fat couple really go at it, to the delight of the crowd.
Dave sighs and rises to go to the bathroom. He squeezes past his buddies.
TOYNEBEEMake it two.
Dave casually waves in acknowledgment, but does not look up.
TOYNEBEEFuck, is he ever a downer.
STEVEWe really should do something.
TOYNEBEELike what? We’ve tried drinking, and
PICKENAnd dirty internet jokes.
Gentlemen, there’s a force more
powerful than pornography and
alcohol alone. Depression’s
kryptonite – strippers.
The Barons score and the crowd cheers – but they could be endorsing the idea of strippers; it’s not clear.
EXT. URBAN STREET – NIGHT
Dave, Steve, Picken and Toynebee are walking along the street after the game. Dave is still glum, but Picken and Toynebee are sti l l high from the Baron’s win. Picken has a big foam hand that says “Barons #1”. Toynebee has two area beers in his hands.
A car goes by with a Barons flag and honks at the group. Picken jogs a couple of paces as the car goes past.
TOYNEBEEBarons rule! Whoo-hoo.
PICKENDamn! Those chicks were hot.
STEVEIt was a guy and a dog.
Steve does not answer him. Picken stops to stare after the car, sure it was a load of 'hot chicks'.
TOYNEBEESounds about your speed Picken.
Just make sure they at least buy
you dinner before you put out.
Steve puts his arm around Dave’s shoulder.
STEVEHow you doing buddy?
DAVEIf I wasn’t depressed before, the
thought of Picken in some
Appalachian Lassie-love-fest pay-per-view
special would put a guy over the
STEVENot to worry. The doctor is here with
the cure. You remember my former
business partner John?
DAVEThe loser you sold Glow-Ropes with?
STEVENo. Not him. I think he’s dead or in
Paraguay or something.
TOYNEBEEYou mean Juice Cart Guy?
PICKENMan, I hated that weasel .
STEVEWell , his brother’s getting married
this weekend, and there is a get-together
at Teasers on Wednesday. I
think a little lap dancing and hooter
ogling might just turn that frown
DAVEOf I don’t know. That’s not really my
STEVEWhat scene is that , the gay scene?
DAVEWould that bother you?
TOYNEBEENot as much as that shirt does.
STEVEOf course it’s your scene. You still
have a dick don’t you?
Picken and Toynebee grab Dave’s arms, pick him up and pin him to the wall.
TOYNEBEEYou have to say yes.
PICKENYou are ruining my karma, man.
Snap out of it or we’ll have to snap
DAVEOkay, okay. We’ll go see peelers.
They let Dave down.
STEVEDid you just say Karma?