Part 10 - No Family Room in the Octagon

(Please read the previous parts before reading this posting)
Part 1 - Dave Gives Kathy Some Time and Space
Part 2 - Kathy Moves On But Dave Needs a Push
Part 3 - A Day at the Campus, A Night at the Strip Club
Part 4 - A Cute Meet Before the Scales Fall
Part 5 - Dave Morgan: Man of Action
Part 6 - And the Band Played On
Part 7 - You Win Some, You Lose a Few More
Part 8 - The Mexican Standoff
Part 9 - There's Never a Cop Around When you Need One

Dinner with the family is always stressful, but especially when you are the infamous Big Daddy.

EXT. DAVE’S PARENT’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dave and Ally are walking up the front walk to the porch of a tidy suburban house. Dave hangs his head and shoulders as they step to the front door.

ALLY

Someday you’ll laugh about this
Dave. You really will .

DAVE

I don’ t want to talk about it. Let’s
just get through this. Okay?

Dave rings the bell.

ALLY

At least you got off without a ticket.

The door opens to reveal Dave’s brother Tyler.

TYLER

You got a ticket? Dude, what’d you
do?

DAVE

Nothing. Just a big
misunderstanding

Tyler has already left the door and gone down the front hall.

TYLER
Mom! Dave got arrested!

From down the hall, we hear Dave’s mother’s shocked response.

MRS. MORGAN (O.C.)

What?! Oh David! What have you
done now?

There is a COMMOTION from the hall . An older woman is crawling along the edge of the doorway between the foyer and the living room. This is Dave’s GRANDMOTHER. Behind her follows Dave’s mom.

MRS. MORGAN

Mom, stand up. Oh, hi David.

DAVE

Hi Mom. I’d like you to meet…

MRS. MORGAN

Mom!

GRANDMA

What are you going to do about this
floor Helen?

MRS. MORGAN

What do you mean what are we
going to do? The house is
lovely. Please get up off the floor
Mother.

DAVE

Mom? I have someone I want you to
meet.

Neither woman is paying any attention to Dave or the guest. Dave shrugs and mouths “I’m sorry” to Ally.

GRANDMA

Well they’re different heights.

MRS. MORGAN

It’s a quarter of an inch Mom.

GRANDMA

You don’t want it to be uneven. It
shouldn’t have a lip. Someone could
trip.

MRS. MORGAN

Who’s going to trip?

GRANDMA

You could have someone over for
cocktails, and they have Dropfoot.
You know, that disorder where they
can’t lift their feet. Someone with
Dropfoot could fall on
your floor.

MRS. MORGAN

Oh Honestly Mom. David, can you
help your grandmother to the table
please?

DAVE

(to Ally)

Are you sure you still want to be
with me?

Ally takes his hand and leads him in.

ALLY

Let’s see how we do until the next
crisis.

They enter and close the door just as Dave’s mother and aunt come rushing towards them.

INT. DAVE’S AUNT’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Dave, Ally, Tyler, Dave’s parents, Grandma, Dave’s aunt and uncle and his 18 year old cousin Bridget are sitting around the table eating and laughing.

TYLER

I just can’ t believe you would walk
away from all that money Ally. I
mean, if I had a job making that
much money…

DAVE

If you a job making any money…

TYLER

I’m not talking to you Mr. Pornstar.

DAVE’S AUNT

(to Mrs. Morgan)

Why does he keep calling David
that?

ALLY

It’s not about the money, Tyler. It’s
about doing something with my life
that has some meaning for me. I
always wanted to be a singer and I
figured it wasn’t going to happen if I
just waited around for it .

TYLER

Well all I know is, you’re not going
to be satisfied by The Professor here
unless he moves beyond selling T-shirts
on campus.

Dave stands from the table

DAVE

I’ve had it . You can talk trash about
me but not my girl friend.

Ally looks shocked by Dave taking such a stand. Tyler is still seated.

MRS. MORGAN

Well I for one think it is very brave
to start out on a new path like that .
I wish I had decided to do something
I wanted to do when I was your age.

MR. MORGAN

What does that mean?

TYLER

(with shock)

Yeah Ma, what do you mean?

Dave begins to sit down. But just before he is down, Tyler’s phone rings with Dave’s voice.

RECORDED VOICE

This is Mr. Tiny Penis…

DAVE

That’s it!

Dave launches himself across the table and attacks Tyler in flurry of napkins and cutlery.

INT. DAVE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Dave and Ally are sitting on the couch in his apartment. She is applying a cold cloth to a large red mark above his left eye.

ALLY

That was very sweet but I don’t
think we’re quite ready for the
“girl friend/boyfriend” thing.

DAVE

Apparently I ’m not ready for the
“Ultimate Fighting” thing either.

ALLY

It might have been more effective if
you actually had made contact with
your brother before you pushed your
aunt into the sideboard.

DAVE

Do you think she‘s still mad?

ALLY

It depends on how successful the
doctor is reattaching her finger tip.

DAVE

I’ve never seen a cat run so fast
with something in it’s mouth.
(beat)
Now about this girl friend/boyfriend
thing, maybe we shouldn’t get so
hung up on the nomenclature.

ALLY

Maybe.

DAVE

After all , I’m just coming out of a
long term relationship,

ALLY

With a bad breakup.

DAVE

The worst .

ALLY

And I need to focus on my career.

DAVE

So you wouldn’t have time for
anything serious anyway.

ALLY

None.

DAVE

The only thing is Ally, when I’m not
with you, I’m thinking about how
long it is until I am. And when I am
with you, it doesn’t seem to last
long enough.

Ally moves closer to him.

ALLY

So there’s nothing I can do to make
you happy?

DAVE

I guess not.

ALLY

I never figured you for being “High
Maintenance”.

Ally and Dave kiss.

FADE OUT.