Part 12 - Caught in the Death Star's Tractor Beam

(Please read the previous episodes before reading this posting)
Part 1 - Dave Gives Kathy Some Time and Space
Part 2 - Kathy Moves On But Dave Needs a Push
Part 3 - A Day at the Campus, A Night at the Strip Club
Part 4 - A Cute Meet Before the Scales Fall
Part 5 - Dave Morgan: Man of Action
Part 6 - And the Band Played On
Part 7 - You Win Some, You Lose a Few More
Part 8 - The Mexican Standoff
Part 9 - There's Never a Cop Around When you Need One
Part 10 - No Family Room in the Octagon
Part 11 - The Price of Fame

The Tonight Show appearance takes Dave's fame to new level but introduces nothing but trouble in his personal life

INT. LOCAL PUB – NIGHT
At a local pub, Kathy is watching the broadcast of Dave’s interview. Around her the crowd is really reacting to Dave and Jenny McCarthy’s antics. Kathy pulls out her cell phone and starts
dialing.

INT. LATE SHOW GREEN ROOM – NIGHT.
Dave enters the green room after the show is over. Steve is waiting for him. Dave looks white with shock.

STEVE

That was awesome. You were a little
flat when the band was playing and
you could have gone over to shake
their hands with Jay, but I think
that performance took you to the
next level .

DAVE

What level? The 'unemployed sex
fiend' level or the 'guy who was just
dumped by his girl friend' level?

STEVE

Stardom Baby! Can’t you feel the
pull of Hollywood? The doors are
going to start opening for you now.

DAVE

I don’t want those doors to open. I
want to go back to the way it was
before all this happened. I want my
privacy back I want the respect of
my students back. I want my life
back

STEVE

They never really respected you
that much anyway.

The door opens and Jenny McCarthy enters. She is not bouncy and fun like she was on the show, but is very serious. She heads straight for her gear and begins packing a bag.

STEVE

You were great Jenny. Thanks a lot
for being such a good sport.

JENNY MCCARTHY

(disinterestedly)

Mmm.

STEVE

Listen, you want to hang out for a
while?

Dave is tugging on Steve’s arm

JENNY MCCARTHY

No.

DAVE

Can we just go?

STEVE

Well, do you know of any great
places to go around here where my
buddy and I can have some fun, if
you know what I mean?

DAVE

I just want to go back to the hotel
and wait for the flight tomorrow.

JENNY MCCARTHY

Look, just because I come off like
the Playboy Bunny doesn’t mean I
want to hang out with you and your
weirdo friend here.

STEVE

But…

Jenny turns to Dave and pokes him in the chest.

JENNY MCCARTHY

Women are more than objects pal.
We’re not just tits and asses and it
really pisses me off when guys like
you get any attention for
perpetuating that stereotype.

DAVE

I’m sorry?

JENNY MCCARTHY

Now get out of my way

Jenny leaves.

STEVE

But she was a Playboy Bunny.

Leno appears at the door.

LENO

Great segment Dave. Let my staff
know what you are up to and we’ll
have you back on.

DAVE

No.

Leno disappears. Steve hustles after him

STEVE

Don’t listen to him Mr. Leno. We’ve
got a website and videos and an
action figure and a kids book series...

Steve can no longer be heard down the hall. Dave takes his jacket from the rack and walks out of the Green Room.

INT. DAVE’S HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT.
Dave dials Ally’s number. He lets it ring. We hear the answering

machine pick up.

ALLY (MESSAGE VOICE)

Hi, I’m not in right now. Leave a
message.

DAVE

Hi Ally. I hope you didn’t see the
Tonight Show, well, tonight. If you
taped it, just erase it…

INT. ALLY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT.
Ally is sitting on the couch looking at the answering machine as Dave leave’s his message.

DAVE (VOICE ON MACHINE)

I guess it was too embarrassing. I’m
staying at the Sheraton 555-2763,
room 701. Call me anytime. I’m
likely not going to sleep tonight

She presses the ERASE button.

INT. AIRPORT DEPARTURE LOUNGE – DAY.
Dave is calling Ally again but hangs up without leaving a message.

INT. AIRPLANE – DAY.
Steve and Dave are sitting side by side on the plane. Steve has headphones on watching the in-flight entertainment. Dave is looking at a magazine but not concentrating. The broadcast changes to news highlights from the world of entertainment.

Immediately every screen in the plane is showing what looks like Dave dancing erotically with Jenny McCarthy. Steve pokes Dave with his elbow.

DAVE

Oh my God. Is that what it looked
like?

Steve takes off his headphones.

STEVE

What?

DAVE

Did I really look like that on the
show? You’d think I was enjoying it.

STEVE

Weren’t you?

DAVE
(shouting)

No!

Several people turn around and recognize him. There is MURMURING that begins around him.

DAVE (CONT’D)
(whispering)

No. I was just standing there
wishing the whole thing to end.

A woman walks by and gives Dave a dirty look.

DAVE (CONT’D)

And if Ally saw this, she already
things I’m a big pervert.

STEVE

I’ve been called worse.

DAVE

You are worse. Let me use your cell

phone.

A 12 year old boy walks by and recognizes Dave

BOY

Alright! Can I have your autograph?

DAVE

Just keep walking.

BOY

Jerk.

Dave dials and gets Ally’s answering machine

DAVE (CONT’D)

Ally! I just saw the show. It wasn’t
what it looks like.

The flight attendant walks over.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT

Sir, you can’ t use cell phones
during the flight.

DAVE

This will just take a minute.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT

Sir, just because you’re a celebrity
doesn’t mean you can do what ever
you want.

DAVE

But I ’m not a celebrity…

A college age boy walks by.

COLLEGE KID

Dude you’re the coolest. Can I take
a picture with you?

Before Dave can answer, the kid leans into the row and takes a picture of the two of them with his cell phone.

COLLEGE KID (CONT’D)

Thanks Big Daddy.

He walks on down the aisle to show his buddies. The flight attendant is standing with her hands on her hips looking very upset.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT

I took away Jude Law’s phone. Do I
have to take yours away too, “Big
Daddy”?

DAVE

I’l l hang up.

Without saying goodbye, Dave closes the phone and hands it back to Steve.

STEVE

Is Jude Law still a celebrity?

INT. AIRPORT, VARIOUS – DAY.
Dave and Steve leave the plane, walk through the airport and retrieve their luggage. Dave is recognized repeatedly, cell phones ring around him and people ask for autographs and pictures with him.

As they walk through the crowds, Dave looks like he just want someone to shoot him.

EXT. AIRPORT DEPARTURE ENTRANCE – DAY.
Dave and Steve emerge from the airport and are standing on the curb with their luggage. Picken’s RV pulls up in a cloud of EXHAUST. The door flings open and Picken emerges.

PICKEN

Welcome home boys. Let’s Rock and
Roll

Dave tosses his bags up to Picken, then climbs in the RV. Steve follows. The door closes and the RV pulls away.

INT. DAVE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT.
Dave is unpacking when there is a KNOCK at the front door.

DAVE

It’s open!

He keeps unpacking without looking up.

KATHY

We sure had a lot of good times in
this room, didn’t we?

Dave looks up with shock. Kathy is standing in the door of his bedroom. She is dressed in a
tight black skirt and jacket with plenty of cleavage. Her hair is down and she is holding a bottle of Dom Perignon against her hip.

DAVE

Kathy? What , what are you doing
here?

KATHY

I wanted to congratulate you on
your hit TV experience.

DAVE

Not you too? Everyday keeps getting
worse. And this is all your fault .

KATHY

Fault? I would think you would want
to thanks me. You have the world at
your finger tips right now: fame,
fortune anything you want could be
yours. You just have to ask.

She slides up to him sexily.

KATHY (CONT’D)

You could ask me...

DAVE

What are you saying?

KATHY

Maybe breaking up wasn’t such a
good idea. I miss you Dave. I’ve
been thinking we should give us
another chance. We were pretty good
together weren’t we.

Kathy runs her hand up his arm.

DAVE

There were times sure. But I’m with
Ally now. At least I thought I was.

KATHY

Aw, poor baby. What happened?

She POPS the champagne and pours two glasses.

DAVE

Every time we are getting along, this
stupid ring tone thing throws
another curve and I scare her off. I
can’t control it and I think the
Tonight Show will have put her over
the edge.

Kathy hands him a glass. She clinks hers on his.

KATHY

I don’ t think Ally is ready for a man
like you. You are destined for
stardom while she is playing sad

folk guitar in half empty coffee houses.

As she takes a sip from her glass, Kathy pushes the bottom of his towards his lips. Dave takes a sip.

DAVE

No, she thinks I’m this titty loving
freak and she just wants a normal
boyfriend. I gotta take a leak.

Dave puts down his glass, goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. Kathy rushes to the mirror, checks her makeup and hair, and pushes her breasts out a little bit more.

The telephone RINGS. Kathy answers it.

KATHY

Hello?

ALLY (ON PHONE)

Kathy?

KATHY
(brightly)

Oh hi Ally. Long time.

ALLY (ON PHONE)

What are you doing there?

KATHY

Oh, didn’t Dave tell you? We’re
trying to work it out and give “us”
another try.

ALLY (ON PHONE)

Oh…

KATHY

I really have to thank you for taking
care of my man for those few weeks.
We’ll have to have you over for
dinner some time. I know lots of
nice single men.

The toilet FLUSHES.

KATHY (CONT’D)

I’ll let you go Ally. Stay in touch.
Bye.

Kathy hangs up just as Dave comes out of the bathroom. Kathy hands him his glass again.

KATHY (CONT’D)

Now where were we?

DAVE

Did you just answer my phone?

KATHY

Oh, yeah. It was just some
telemarketer. Sorry, force of habit .

INT. ALLY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
We see her packing her guitar case for a show, half angry, half crying.

FADE OUT.