Part 1 - Dave Gives Kathy Some Time and Space
Part 2 - Kathy Moves On But Dave Needs a Push
Part 3 - A Day at the Campus, A Night at the Strip Club
Part 4 - A Cute Meet Before the Scales Fall
Part 5 - Dave Morgan: Man of Action
Part 6 - And the Band Played On
Part 7 - You Win Some, You Lose a Few More
Part 8 - The Mexican Standoff
Part 9 - There's Never a Cop Around When you Need One
Part 10 - No Family Room in the Octagon
Part 11 - The Price of Fame
Part 12 - Caught in the Death Star's Tractor Beam
Can Dave manage to get his life back and keep the girl?
INT. DAVE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT.
(suspiciously)What were they selling?
DAVEThe telemarketer you talked to.
KATHYYes, near the ocean.
Dave reaches for the phone. He checks the dial log.
DAVEShit. That was Ally calling. What did
you do Kathy?
Dave calls her back. The answering machine picks up.
DAVE (CONT’D)She’s gone now.
Or not answering. Again.
I'm going to start running out
of chances with this girl.
What did you say?
KATHYOh, she just wanted to know you got
home okay. Now drink up and I’ll
take you out for a nice dinner.
She goes into his closet.
KATHY (CONT’D)Now let's pick you out something
nice. I think we’ll have to go
shopping for some new clothes for
She emerges from the closet with a slightly worn brown suit.
KATHY (CONT’D)I thought we’d go to Gaspari ’s.
Remember our first anniversary
DAVEKathy, why are you here?
KATHYTo take you to dinner Silly.
DAVENo, really. Why are you here? And
try the truth for once.
There is a KNOCK at the door.
DAVEYou stay here. And don’t touch
Dave goes to answers the door. Standing in the hall is Toynebee fresh from his trip to Florida. He has a tan, cut offs and a straw hat. He is wearing a t-Shirt from Daytona with one of Dave’s
Toynebee enters the apartment.
TOYNEBEEHey Man, saw you on TV last night.
The place I was ate you up. I was
nearly as big a celebrity as you
being your friend. Here…
Toynebee takes off his straw hat and puts it on Dave’s head.
TOYNEBEE (CONT’D)This is for you. And…
He reaches into his bag and pulls out a coconut souvenir monkey
wearing a bikini.
DAVEThanks. You shouldn’t have.
TOYNEBEENo I owe you. I got laid twice more
than I would have last night.
DAVEHow many times would that be?
TOYNEBEELike I’m going to tell you that. I’m a
Several packages of condoms fal l out of his jacket pocket as he leans over to zip up his bag.
KATHYWho is it Hon? Oh it’s you.
TOYNEBEEWhat is she doing here?
KATHYI’ll be where ever I want. I don’t
have to justify myself you or any of
his other loser friends.
TOYNEBEEI can’t leave you alone at all? When
did you get back together with The
Bitch From Hell?
KATHYYou watch yourself, or I’l l…
TOYNEBEEOr you’ll what? Steal all my stuff,
tell me you love me then step on my
heart, drive me out to the desert
and leave me for dead with the
buzzards and the scorpions and all
the other creatures that don’t care
how a man feels inside.
DAVEWow, what did happen to you?
TOYNBEEBad breakup. Junior high. Long
DAVEAnyway, I ’m not with her. She just
showed up. I don’t really know why
DAVEKathy, why are you here?
KATHYI told you silly. I want to give us
Toynebee moves in next to Dave.
TOYNEBEEI don’t trust her. Ask again.
DAVEKathy, why are you really here? The
Kathy’s phone rings.
RECORDED VOICEHey, Kat. Kitty Kat .
(pointing at her cell)That’s why. I can’t believe how big
this thing is. I was so angry with
you for getting over me so easily.
But your voice is everywhere. And
now after Leno, your face could too.
And I want to be the person who
makes it happen.
KATHY.Dave I want to be your agent. I
think I can get you a record deal
and a national tour. This phone
message thing may only have
another few weeks on it’s own. And I
feel like I had some part in it , I
DAVESome part? You are the entire
reason it happened it all.
KATHYExactly! I’m glad you see that way.
As such, I think I should have more
that the regular 15%, but I’m willing
to waive that in consideration of our
long history together.
There is a KNOCK on the door. Steve lets himself in.
STEVEHey, Toynebee when did you get…Oh
shit! What is she doing here.
KATHYI’m Dave’s new agent and as my first
duty I ’m going to get rid of any bad
influences in his life. Namely you
two and that other cretin who drives
that hideous RV.
She begins to step towards them to usher them out the door, but Dave steps in between.
DAVEStop. Kathy, I already have an
agent, God knows why, and it’s
DAVEDon’t thank me yet.
As he steps past the table, he picks up the phone Kathy’s set down.
DAVE (CONT’D)But Kathy I may have something for
Dave turns and huddles with Steve and Toynebee. There is some MURMERING and SHOCK as they discuss Dave’s plan. Dave turns back around to face Kathy.
DAVE (CONT’D)Okay. Here’s the deal . I’ve empowered
Steve to negotiate terms for
whatever crazy thing you have
KATHYI refuse to negotiate with him.
DAVEIt’s either Steve or nothing.
DAVEIn addition, you are to split
whatever commissions and fees for
representation equally with Steve
Kathy is about to protest but Dave raises his hand.
DAVEBut since I don’t want any profit
from this whole grizzly mess, the
two of you will be splitting 50% of
the money 30/20, with the
remaining 50% going to the United
Negro College Fund.
DAVEWhy not? Everybody deserves an
KATHYThere can’t be more.
DAVEIt gets better. Included in my terms
is you getting a three record deal for
Ally with your company.
DAVEWith full marketing support too, not
some discount bin label.
DAVEAnd one for the One Hit Wonders.
This was a surprise for Steve and Toynebee. Steve tries to remain stoic, but he is pretty choked up. Toynebee slaps Dave on the back.
Kathy has given up.
KATHYOkay. They get a record deal too.
But I expect you to honor your part .
DAVESure thing. I’ll be your dancing
monkey for how ever many weeks
this ridiculous thing lasts.
KATHYFor this, I’ll do whatever I can to
make sure you are ridiculed publicly
Dave turns and gets his jacket to leave.
DAVEYou know, i f I thought you were any
good at your job, I ’d be worried
about that. Gotta go. Steve, you
make sure she doesn’t weasel out of
STEVEYou got it.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
Dave is running down the street, racing to get to Ally. He reaches the front door of the coffee shop where she is performing.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
Ally is onstage singing and playing her guitar beautifully, but no one is paying close attention. She sees Dave but continues to play. Finally she finishes. There is a smattering of applause but Dave
claps and hoots like she’s Springsteen.
ALLYThank you. I ’m going to take a short
break and come back.
She angrily points for Dave to come over to here.
ALLY (CONT’D)What are you doing here?
DAVEYou won’t answer my calls. I had to
see you, I’ve got great news.
ALLYDon’t tell me, you’re becoming
America’s next porn star.
DAVENo, it’s about you. I saw Kathy
ALLYAnd your getting back together,
Perfect you two deserve each other I
hope you are going to be very happy.
DAVEWill you listen? I’m not getting back
together with her. I want you.
ALLYIt looked like you wanted Jenny
McCarthy last night.
DAVEIt’s all a big misunderstanding. The
camera angles, the quick shots
made it look like that. I just wanted
to crawl inside the couch and wait
for the show to end.
ALLYI have eyes you know.
DAVEAnd they’re lovely. Kathy wanted to
be my agent and parade me around
on some crazy tour.
KATHYI knew you were lying. You do like
DAVEOh knock it off . She’s nuts. It won’t
last the weekend. By Sunday
morning everyone will be caught up
with some guy who drops a bowling
ball on his nuts on You Tube.
Dave takes the guitar from her, puts it down and takes her hands in his.
DAVE (CONT’D)I only agreed to cooperate in return
for her negotiating a two record deal
with her company.
DAVENope. Steve is working out the
details with her right now.
ALLYAre you sure that’s such a good
DAVEWhen it comes to getting a deal on
something sleazy and underhanded,
there’s no one I would trust more.
ALLYI don’ t know what to say. Don’t
think just because you went and
made everything I want come true
that I’m going to suddenly think
everything is okay with us.
Dave kisses her hand.
ALLYWait. What if she reneges because
she can’t book you an anything
more? Or torpedoes the whole thing
DAVEI thought of that too.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out Kathy’s cell phone. He hands it to Ally.
DAVE (CONT’D)That’s Kathy’s. I’d wager there are
plenty of photos on it of her
“escapades” with various rock stars
who don’t want to associated with a
woman like her. If she doesn’t come
through for you, They get posted to
the Net. Two can play at this game.
DAVEI would be disappointed with you if
you did. Let’s have a cup of coffee
and see where it goes from there.
ALLYOkay. That I can do.
She smiles and gives him a kiss on the cheek.
The door opens and Steve, Toynebee and Picken noisily enter the coffee shop with their instruments.
PICKENThere he is!
STEVEHey Hey, Davey Boy!
Ally looks at Dave quizzically.
DAVEOh yeah. I got a record deal for
As the final credits roll , Ally and Dave sing “Baby Come Back” with the One Hit Wonders backing them up.